midnight

this night, i just feel my body is sick. i dunno why, it is so ill. today before the journey. what will be, will be. i am also always questioning and blaming to myself. i am disoriented. blaming myself is the safest way to recover. isolating myself too. i really want to stay away. my heart is so sick. i want to flee. again and again. i just try not to let you reach me. i am labile. i am so fragile. i will go, try to escape for a moment. i am sick inside and outside. i don't really know what should i do. 
when we are separated, you know what i feel.  i am unworthy.